heard today from Lawrence that two, sorry, TWO NSFs died recently. one of as yet unknown causes and the other, well what can i say. he had his life thrown away if my source got his facts right. one part of me would like to say this: "i'm so glad i've ORD" but it really isn't about that. i've joked recently after the string of deaths that its pretty dangerous to be in the army these days, the trend seems to be of dying on the job. but this case, the one whose life got thrown away. that's one reason for my hatred of the army. they force you to defend the land, and then they do this to you. i won't go into details, i don't want to get into trouble. especially with the top levels as it is, but, my personal view is that the army can FUCK THE HELL OFF. you never get out of it really.

ladies and gents, this is the side of the army you don't see. it doesn't happen often, you may argue, but to me, one death in vain is one death too many. shit happens, that i understand, but sometimes, shit can be prevented from happening. this whole mess of sweeping it under the cover, and issuing of gag orders and the like...i'd understand if it were in the name of national security, but this is absolutely ridiculous. quite frankly, it's only after i've been in there and seen what they're capable of that i really began to hate national service, the organization and to a certain extent, the country. to me, it just seems like this conscripted army is the best solution to the problem at hand, but, the treatment and mistakes committed that go unseen, now that seems to me like a choice of the lesser of two evils, or it being a choice of having the neccessary evil.

for the ladies reading this, if it seems cryptic, in a way it is. the ladies will never understand this, and they'll only take things on face value. true, i do believe that at times the guys can be pushing things a little, but seriously, the girls don't get it. no matter how hard you try, be it implementing national service for ladies, or that truly utter and complete suggestion that girls go through a showroom bmt to get a feel of how serving in the army is like. it just won't work. at times, yeah, the training is tough and we whine about that, but if you do care to listen, it's not the training that we whine about most of the time. it's the people. calling them people is very good on my part already. those, let's leave the judging to God shall we. well anyways, those people, installed as leaders, they are simply overated, to put it lightly. let's leave that for some other time though, shall we. as for the ladies understanding this, i know you never will. maybe you'll have a different view if you're close enough to someone who tells you about the problems, but you will never ever completely undersatnd it. and i don't think i'd want ladies to anyway. call me soft-hearted, but i don't want people i love to have to suffer. so yeah...

for the two who died, my heart goes out to you. for the rest of us still siffering under the clutches of the devil, and those who are about to start, i only have this to say. it is too big to fight, the only way is to run. i'd be very frank with you guys and tell you point blank that the main factor in my decision of wanting to swop citizenship is not my dislike for this nation. it is well and truly for me, and hopefully my kid, to escape from the clutches of this terrible, terrible tragedy. yes, call me a quitter, but you can't blame me for not doing my part. i've given two good years of my life to this nation. enough. life is short, and i have to live it for myself and my loved ones. so until this tragedy stops playing itself out, until this sad, sick story stops unfolding, i'll be looking forward to not holding a singapore passport. yes, ignorace is bliss. now i'm starting to understand.