i'm down to 28days before ORD, and yet....still 6 feet under in shit. all i can say now is how utterly disappointed i am at this country. not only have i come to not love it, its turning into hatred. hatred no doubt caused by the army, but hatred nonetheless. somehow, i never understood lots of things before going in, so you can say the past almost 2 years have been an eye-opener for me. it's opened my eyes to what our supposed pride of the land actually is, an elaborate lie. and there are plenty living that lie. and there are even more who take full advantage of that lie.
you know, i never truly understood what they meant when they say you will truly know what to fear when you see it for yourself. yup, how true it is. it's only after you go in, that you see the corruption, the lies, the hypocricy. when you truly fear what they are capable of. hardly to the extent that they advertise, propagate so widely. hardly even close. what with the idiots that they pay good money to. people living in a sheltered world. so detached from the real one. now, i'm starting to understand what they mean when they say the bigger the lie, the more believable. heck, they have built a whole organization and caused a world-wide effect before, why not now? funny isn't it? whenever national day comes around, my confidence in this coutry hits rick bottom. can't go lower can it? i'm not proud of what i've become, and what i'm becoming. to turn your back on your place of birth, i'm not even proud to be called a singaporean.
maybe thats something i haven't yet learnt. accepting a lie for truth. i look to be going by the way of ignorance is bliss. so yeah, you can say i'm running away, but i don't care. beacuase i simply don't care for this counrty any more. call me what you want, but this anguish, this agnoy still stays. in fact, maybe its a vindication even. no-one truly understands what i'm going through, and i doubt anyone ever will. and it's not like i never tried to love my country, i'm just so disappointed at it now. warped vision, sure, but...why care anymore? i just want to cut it from me now.
sorry for being so cryptic...only a rare few will truly understand...or so i hope...i've lost my will to fight...i'm just drifitng along...
you know, i never truly understood what they meant when they say you will truly know what to fear when you see it for yourself. yup, how true it is. it's only after you go in, that you see the corruption, the lies, the hypocricy. when you truly fear what they are capable of. hardly to the extent that they advertise, propagate so widely. hardly even close. what with the idiots that they pay good money to. people living in a sheltered world. so detached from the real one. now, i'm starting to understand what they mean when they say the bigger the lie, the more believable. heck, they have built a whole organization and caused a world-wide effect before, why not now? funny isn't it? whenever national day comes around, my confidence in this coutry hits rick bottom. can't go lower can it? i'm not proud of what i've become, and what i'm becoming. to turn your back on your place of birth, i'm not even proud to be called a singaporean.
maybe thats something i haven't yet learnt. accepting a lie for truth. i look to be going by the way of ignorance is bliss. so yeah, you can say i'm running away, but i don't care. beacuase i simply don't care for this counrty any more. call me what you want, but this anguish, this agnoy still stays. in fact, maybe its a vindication even. no-one truly understands what i'm going through, and i doubt anyone ever will. and it's not like i never tried to love my country, i'm just so disappointed at it now. warped vision, sure, but...why care anymore? i just want to cut it from me now.
sorry for being so cryptic...only a rare few will truly understand...or so i hope...i've lost my will to fight...i'm just drifitng along...
posted by Timothy at 8/04/2005 09:55:00 PM
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