this week hasn't been good to me...and it's only thursday. no, it has nothing to do with what happened saturday, but... for fuck's sake why the hell all this now? i mean...s4 as the fucking dfo, and now operation concorde? what the hell? on top of that, we made it quite clear to the csm that, no, you're not on our fave personalities list, not even close. if we had live rounds, you'll be dead meat. simple as that. of course after that, he started to find more fault with us. it's not as if we're not used to this already. like i always say...platoon 4's not part of bravo.

to hell with this shit. i just wanna leave this place...and probably never come back. what's there left for me here? i mean really? i've almost got nothing to live for, here, anymore. slipping into depression againg it seems, but..i've become so numb already. so fucking numb. i can barely feel anymore. i'm just waiting for someone to step in. maybe i just don't wanna feel again. maybe that'd be better, if you can't feel, you can't get hurt. all this pent up anger and frustration is extremly negative for me i know. a cry for help? nah...don't need that. neither do i wanna die, but i'm not too keen on living either. what's gonna happen? left my life run as i've planned. go into med or finance. or... else what? never felt more broken, more restless and more weak and tired, yet strong at the same time. i'm probably not even looking to tomorrow anymore. sick.