Started a new account today...and signed the wrong signature...fab. Strange thing is that i didn't freeze or go..."oh,shit", or even show any hint of shock. The signature just came out, the shock followed, but nothing was displayed. Since when did i aquire this skill to hide my emotions so effectively? Like, just a year ago, i would have showed at least some visible sign of shock and would have requested to re-do the signature. Now, i just went with it and carried on the bluff. What next? Lie with a straight face?

Just attended Ah beng's birthday party today. Had a good time with the guys playing Winning Eleven. Guys will be guys, screaming at the TV and all, whenever possible. Impressive how soccer can bring guys together so easily. Simple pleasures, i say.

Anyway, decided to take a walk home today. No, not from Ah Beng's house, that's in Bishan, way too far for a walk. Took the train to Raffles Place and walked home from there. Been a very long time since i last did that. And the old memories came back, and mashed with new...great, i need to spend more time sorting all that out. Looking up at the buildings, i decided that the dream to want to own one of those buildings was over. Not that i gave up wanting to own one and maybe build an empire ala Donald Trump. It's just that, my priorities have changed. I don't think my dream of wanting to own one of those buildings is any less attainable than my current dream of wanting to be a doctor. To me, it's simply how badly you want it. Other than that, it's not impossible, it's simply very difficult.

I guess from young, and being somewhat different from the rest of the kids, this dream of wanting to make it real rich and own a building or two really just caught my imagination and kept going. To me, then and now, Singaporean kids either loved playing and chasing trends and idols, or they simply studied and chronically over-achieved. I was neither. I had to idol to follow, or incredibly great marks to blow my own trumpet with. So i gathered that i was one of those unlucky ones in life who just had to carve an identity for myself. Unfortunately then, i had no idea what i wanted, but i knew i wanted to be really successful. And successful meant rich, real rich. Then i heard someone say that if you owned a company or a building, you could get real rich. Needless to say, that really got me excited, naieve at believing though. I decided to work out a way to get to that dream, since i like neither trend-chasing, idol-worshiping nor chronic over-achieving. Soon, that translated into great interest for the stock market. Soon, i knew more about stocks and shares than the average person my age then. I never realised that till recently, finally having the money to invest, i continually shock people with my understanding of investment instruments. Most tell me that i know more about these than people twice my age. Trust me, i still go "yeah,right". But somehow, the realisation is begining to set, that this interest has made me different, not exactly very, but quite, from the people i know. It made me more analytical, and set me in an in-between, of thinking too old for my age, and too young for the place i want to be.

So i guess that now, when my feet are finally going to land, and this mindless rumbling is coming to an end, i guess i've just written for the record a reason that has shaped who i am. Life is a journey of self-discovery, and i still don't know how it'll end or where it'll bring me, but all i know is this. Next stop after army? Australia, to chase my dreams of being a doctor.